As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can’t always trust Google Maps.

You Might Also Like


Funny how this Target cashier says “Merry Christmas” like she’s not going to see me 50 more times between now & then.


[spelling bee]

Your word is ‘impossible’

“Oh, well I guess no point in trying”

*walks off stage*


[trying to get a massage]

How much for a happy ending?

“Sir, this is a library!”

*whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending?


Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u

Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit


Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper


I’ve had 3 men proclaim their love for me since the Coronavirus hit, so how’s your quarantine going?


I saw a guy at Starbucks today.
No iPhone.
No tablet.
No laptop.
He just sat there.
Drinking coffee.
Like a Psychopath.


*shoots self in the foot and screams in agony for 20 seconds*
*hits ‘stop recording’ on outgoing voicemail message*