And by noon on the 7th day, God said these kids need some iPads.
As soon as my daughter realizes Jamacians, Irish, & wizards don’t all have the same accent, I’m probably going to get fired from storytime.
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Iron Man: *mouth full of shawarma* do you think Watson solved the case?
Dr. Strange: probably. we trained him well. If not, we’ll just reverse time and get it done.
Date: Your profile said you wanted someone to attend a wedding with you.
Date: This wasn’t what I had in mind.
Officiant: Do you take this man?
Me: I do!
My niece thinks she’s more mature than me because she listens to Beethoven.
His movies sucked plus why would I wanna listen to dog music?
Me. Every weekend.
*playing Mortal Kombat*
Her: Can I try?
Her: Which one of them shoots that Handookie thingie?
I almost hit a deer tonight. But then he took back what he said about my mom and we hugged it out.
Back to having zero haters, feels good.
I’m tired and want to sleep, but I can’t stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down
My iPhone does NOT rule my life.
Battery – Don’t worry, Siri. I got this.
It’s called a “Monte Cristo” sandwich because one day it will return disguised as another sandwich & seek its revenge