@realHamOnWry: As you grow older you'll start feeling your body getting stiffer. But don't worry ... it's just rigor mortis practicing for the big day.
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@: Wife: Where are you going? Me: You can find me in da club shawty Wife: You’re going to Taco Bell to get nachos, aren’t you? Me: Yes
@semple42: I always keep 2 empty wine glasses ready... one for me, and one for when I can’t find where I put that one.
@Megatronic13: [demon possessing me is forcing me to walk into a chapel] Me: are you breaking up with me?! Demon: no- wait, do you actually think we’re a couple? Me: *shyly blushing* well, you are inside of me Demon: why are you this way
@delusionaliam: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and it'll eat for weeks!