Confession: the entire time when I was forming the earth, I was using asteroids.
As your goth healthcare advisor I urge you to sit by a fire, look out a window briefly, then continue reading about demonology.
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Q: If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you?
A: I don’t know. If everyone used the same hypothetical question to demonstrate a point, would you?
As his name is not “Biggest Bird”, we are to understand that Sesame Street is home to at least one, perhaps more, truly immense unseen birds
A lawyer-turned-cook is a sue chef.
my wife and i are having a hard time conceiving a highway so we’re considering adopting
Life is a cherry tomato and I’m a plastic fork.
Waitress: need anything else?
Me: yes, a cup of black coffee.
W: and how would u like your coffee?
M: uhhh..black and in a cup?
Nutritionist: Do you eat salad?
Me: Yes, I love potato salad.
Our credit card was stolen but
I decided not to report it ….
The thief is spending less
than my wife did.
[with my final breath] Tell my wife that I loved..the economy