Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.
Ask your doctor if doctors are right for you. Make them self conscious. Question their motives. Die unnecessarily young and smug.
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1. Ask for something. 2. Throw it down. 3. Repeat steps 1 & 2. – Toddler To Do List
Normal Person: *has a bad dream, says “that was weird haha” and goes on with day*
Me: *has a bad dream, thinks of ways to make it into an unusual, horrifying plot for a novel, then get writer’s block, can’t finish it, and say “that was weird haha” and go on with my day*
army general: we were defeated
me: [confused, looking down] what…whats inside ur boots then
Mini-horses are like mini-donuts, you can’t just eat one
Dude on tv just said, “Where there’s fat, there’s flavor.”
He was talking about food, but I took it as a compliment.
I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.
Family: come play dodgeball
Fam: oh come on
Me: no thanks
Fam: JUST PLAY
Me: *nails 6 year old in the face*
BOSS: why are you so late?
ME: i definitely wasnt up until 4am watching Hey Arnold ha-ha
BOSS: well i was and i got here on time