Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with my hands.
At 14 I asked my dad about a tattoo. He said ok as long as I got it someplace that doesn’t matter. So I got it in Detroit.
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Favstar is like that uncle we all
have, he never works, but comes
around every few months asking
A friend wanted to know what it’s like to be a mom, so I busted down her bathroom door while she was taking a shower so I could tell her that I’m thinking about changing the name of one of my stuffed animals.
If shame burned calories, I’d be back to my birth weight by now
my girlfriend and i are having a big fight bc i think the toys from Toy Story are immortal and she thinks they can die
I was gonna post a picture of my breakfast but I can’t get the gummy bears to sit up straight.
I threw a dart at a map to pick a vacation spot and shattered the hell out of my phone screen.
I’ll agree to almost anything if you set a cupcake in front of me. I won’t be listening. Because…cupcake.
After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US is about to unleash its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date…the American tourist.