I’m behind 38 episodes of Game of Thrones. I’ll just jump in the new season and piece it all together. Should be fine.
*At a clothing store*
Worker: Do you need any help sir?
Me: *Mixes “No, I’m good” & “No, I’m just looking”*
Me:”No, I’m just good looking”
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It’s funny how humans are so picky about sex partners and dogs are all, “that smells about right”
If you’ve ever wondered how many days you can reuse the same lemon wedge in your water pitcher in the refrigerator, the answer is not 11.
Signs you’re a full fledged adult:
• You choose restaurants based on the availability of parking
• You pay attention to the weather now
• You have at least one mole you’re keeping an eye on
• You have a favorite stove burner
• You don’t give af what’s “cool” anymore
What idiot called them dog tags instead of collar ID
How to get a job on Game of Thrones:
Q: Can you act?
Q: Will you get naked?
me: Where are your pants?
toddler: I took them off so I could see better
Him: What gets you hot, baby?
Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent.
H: Zoinks, like, there’s a ghost! Let’s get out of here Scoob!
Judge: I’d like to call recess.
Defense Attorney: *running with hands in air* I call the slide!
Bailiff: *still zipping coat* Wait for me.
ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body.
HER: Did they?
ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?