I wouldn’t call it ‘passive aggressive’, but I do send the glitter Christmas cards to the people who annoy me.
I always think it’s funny when I go to the bank because my last name is Banks
Teller: “haha. First name?”
*Pulls out gun*
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“Write this down.”
[Moses grabs tablet]
“Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?”
If your opponent cracks his knuckles before a fight, have comfort knowing that osteoarthritis will, in due time, avenge your savage beating.
Cashier: Going snorkeling huh?
Me: Yeah. Should be fun.
Cashier: Watch out for sea snakes.
Me: Hi, I’d like to return these.
Wife: Whatcha got there?
Wife: Why are there crumbs on your face?
*holds out hands*
Me: I brought you a box of donut.
The FBI agents that will eventually search your basement
won’t be able to sleep for a very long time.
You do a dazzling imitation of a blithering idiot!
You’re being serious, about your love for your TC?
Oh dear, this is awkward.
Songs with lyrics like, “We don’t need sleep,” why are you rebelling against naps? What are you–four?
Me at 16: She’s ugly.
Me at 21: She’s alright.
Me at 30: I’d hit that.
Me at 36: That mountain goat has nice legs.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}
gingerbread man: hold on
[puts baking paper on the bed]