@mommajessiec

[at doctor’s office]

Nurse: You may get undressed now.

Me: [rips off tear away pants]

Nurse: Most people wait until I’m out of the room but okay.

[at doctor’s office]

Nurse: You may get undressed now.

Me: [rips off tear away pants]

Nurse: Most people wait until I’m out of the room but okay.

- @mommajessiec

You Might Also Like

@Sickayduh

“I think it’s about time we had a white president”

– 8 year olds

@fro_vo

*gets naked*
*gets baked*
*doesn’t get why they don’t rhyme*

@heidi420x

if i could choose one super power right now it would be the ability to delete my number from other people’s phones.

@evilbart24

Me after taking a million selfies and not looking good in any of them

@JumbledButts

STEVE: “Wanna go star gazing tonight?”

ME: “What is that? Like a sci fi movie?”

S: “No we watch stars.”

M: “Wars or Trek?”

@alliejane_508

I once left a love note on the wrong car, so yeah, you should totally trust me with important paperwork.

@UncleDuke1969

2 Smurfs stand over a body…

“What happened?”
“Choked on a sandwich.”
“Nobody helped?”
“No.”
“Didn’t they see him turning bl-”
“…”
“Oh.”

@mommajessiec

Him: I’m feeling under the weather.

DATING: I’m so sorry. That stinks.
ENGAGED: I will nurse you back to health with chicken soup and cuddles.
MARRIED: *sprays him with lysol*

@DrRocktopoid

My high-school wrestling coach called me “the little raccoon” ’cause I was small but feisty and ate garbage and carried Lyme disease.