Creepers gonna creep
Peepers gonna peep
Weepers gonna weep
Beepers gonna beep
Sleepers gonna sleep
Sheepers gonna sheep
Dolphins gonna eeeeeeeeeeeeeep
At his funeral. I lay my hand on your shoulder. I apply pressure, gently, in an attempt to move you from in front of the snack table.
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If you’re going to a wedding this weekend and you see a random stranger dancing his nut off on the dance floor, I’m sorry, I lost a bet.
I heard someone say their podcast was on “hiatus”, guess that sounds better than “my mom took away my laptop”.
I never close my eyes in the shower because that’s how murderers know when to show up and kill you.
My blood type is A+ because I’m the best at everything. Even at having blood.
kkkk (too many)
kkk (too racist)
kk (looks like a typo)
k (that’ll work)
Why you see my texting bubble for 10 min before getting “k”
Thank God you’ve updated your status to “Finished lunch” after you first posted “Going to lunch” I really couldn’t tolerate more suspense.
Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom
“wat abot that shadowy place. by 5pm it wil be in the sun”
..who told you about science
I’m at that age where I panic a little if I randomly smell toast.
*cop frisking me*
Cop: “theres nothin in your pockets that will poke me, right?”
*baby porcupine jumps out*
RUN POKEY, RUN