@Breadery: At my funeral I want the picture of me next to the coffin to have eyeholes cut out with someone behind it glaring at people coming in.
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@ramblinma: I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.
@dysalexia: Next time you're on a date and someone asks "Is that your boyfriend or your brother?" smile really creepy and whisper "Both".