@AimeeHelene1
Just watched a guy walk into the wall, because he couldn’t decide if he should go left or right. The future of humanity scares me.
@tbhjuststop
*At my future wedding* “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband”
Me to the groupchat: omg do I say yes or is that desperate
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@AimeeHelene1
@Tmoney68
Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he’s expecting a very important call from someone in 1994.
@nycjayjay
Perfection.
@Pork_Chop_Hair
Me: *delicately inserting plastic tassels to the ends of my handlebars*
Motorcycle Instructor, shaking his head: only if you brought enough for the whole class
@sploosk
Sharon I have some bad news
@Sveldtsmelt
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
@reallifemommy3
It took me a good two minutes of trying to figure out why I put the freezer food in the cupboard, before I remembered that I have kids who wanted to help put the groceries away
@mayamanion
My kids asked me where dinner is? Oh shit, was that today?
@teacup_giraffe
My friends won’t get margaritas with me anymore because I get drunk & start saying everything is “mexillent”.
@IamEveryDayPpl
*drops a couple pew-pews from my finger guns into the offering basket at church*