*date leans in* Tell me something I don’t know about you.
*I lean in* I have a french fry in my pocket.
At school, Scooby-Doo excelled at the three Rs – biology, Spanish and geography.
You Might Also Like
Things I need now because of Twitter:
1. A cat
2. A beard
3. Printer for Avis
4. Duct tape
6. Gas card
Wow Mother Nature really just sent the entire human race to their rooms
When the Eagles wrote the lyric “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device,” they weren’t kidding.
Posted from my iPhone
me: [sobbing] the doctor said i’ll never breakdance again
wife: i didn’t know you could breakdance
me: i can’t. jfc are you even listening
Accidentally said “shh” instead of “slow down” and a kid silently ran into a glass door
“more like president PAJAMA” *obama jumps into pj’s, congress full of 12 year olds is pleased*
“You’re going out with that boy again? He’s no good.”
*furiously knits a condom*
“Grandma, that’s not how it works.”