No man left behind.
No stone left unturned.
No donut left uneaten.
*at Thanksgiving dinner*
Me: One of you is eating poison green bean casserole.
Me: Just kidding you all are.
You Might Also Like
doctor: you need to eat healthy
doctor: the last patient who didn’t change their diet after i suggested it died
me: oh my goodness
doctor: in a plane crash
me: that sounds unrelated
doctor: i’m the one that crashed it. do not disobey me.
I can’t see those guns made on 3D printers catching on.
If HP make the cartridges, it will be cheaper to buy an AK-47.
I watched DJ Khaled on SNL and I still have absolutely no idea what it is he does exactly.
“Oh, don’t use that picture of me, honey. Please, I look so old in that one. You must have a better picture.” -Whistler’s Mother
[GOD CREATING BEES]
G: Super important
G: And their spit tastes delicious.
G: But they’re so *clenches fists* angry
The four stages of a day off:
1. I will do so much stuff
2. Later I’ll do lots of stuff
3. Eventually, I’ll do some stuff
4. Oh no.
My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.
No, you’re not fat, you’re just easy to see.
In the middle of a GOP debate, Scooby and the gang suddenly rush the stage. They wrestle Trump to the ground, struggling to remove his face.