Witch: Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!
Rapunzel: … Why tho
Witch: I wanna climb the tower
Rapunzel: Have you- have you seen the news? It’s close quarters up here
Witch: C’mon I gotta talk to you
Rapunzel: Can I just drop you a Zoom link
*[At the dinner table]*
“No grandma, those aren’t knitting needles. We’re having Chinese food”
You Might Also Like
Growing up I really thought piranhas would have been a bigger problem in my life.
Hope I got my ticket….
Accidentally used the dog’s shampoo today, and I’m feeling like such a good girl.
Every time I open my mouth, some idiot starts talking.
me: having a physical body is inconvenient. i want to be a sentient cloud or a useful metaphor
alien who abducted me: do you ever stop talking?
me: lol no
*First day as a missing person*
Wife: Hello police? Yeah call it off he was just in the shower.
I’m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Hey rappers, if you have to keep reintroducing yourself then you’re not a very good rapper.
Timmy’s in the well and you pissed in my slippers and you told me about Timmy first so I wouldn’t get mad