Him: Honesty is very important. Be upfront about things. We have to trust each other. It’s how love works.
Me: I’m Batman.
[at the doctors]
me: *opens wide and goes ahh*
proctologist: how the hell r u doing that?
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“Whoa! Hey there, buddy, leave me out of it. This has got nothing to do with me.”
– The Horse You Rode In On
Since Walking Dead isn’t on I’ve hid pot from my stoner friends. As they amble around looking for it I’m shooting them with paint ball guns.
(me as a paramedic)
*rubbing two cymbals together*
*slams cymbals together*
Since I had to google “exercise” to make sure I spelled it right, I think it’s safe to say I have no idea what to do at the gym.
I scaled Everest! And I give nicknames to fish.
My son, 5, scared of the thunder.
I told him that was silly considering the sun could explode any day, killing us all.
Think that helped.
My surgeon said NO drinking for 24 hours, then we both laughed.
*Deletes ‘actress’ from LinkedIn profile*
me as a therapist: I see what you’re saying. *starts writing something down for you* here, there’s an episode of Naruto that I think would be relevant and extremely healing for you,