@noog: At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I'll never know.
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@DanaSchwartzzz: ME: lololol can't believe my parents don't understand how to attach a document to an email lolol ALSO ME: what is taxes help i am so confused and also the only thing I can cook is popcorn
@SteveSuckington: *bursts out of stable on a chihuahua* "Wait, if you're here then that means" *cut to a horse peeking it's head out of Paris Hiltons purse*
@ImSoFrancis: Astronaut: I never loved you Me: how could you say that? Astronaut: it's the truth Me: no I mean like, sound doesn't travel in a vacuum
@skullmandible: nobody, nobody, nobody likes the guy who's suspiciously knowledgeable about age of consent laws