Yawning Is our body’s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
At this point I only practice good personal hygiene based on how I would want my body to be found
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Just because something’s vegan doesn’t mean it’s cruelty-free. For example, my ex-girlfriend
A Canadian has a bad day:
(Traps a goose, and casts a spell)
Fly my lovely. Be aggressive. Block traffic, and shit everywhere. Be my wrath..
*Tweets funniest tweet ever
*Over 6 billion die laughing
*Germany and Russia survive
*Coz nobody left to explain the joke
I could get hit and killed by a truck right in front of him and my dentist would still find a way to blame it on the fact that I don’t floss
no caffeine: day 6
-can’t think straight
-3 people are dead
Her: I was so scared you’d be a weirdo
Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU
My wife is on her exclamation mark.
This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.
Putting my cat at the top of my Christmas tree this year because 1) she’s already an angel and 2) she’s going to climb up there anyway