The secret society of the bean keepers is called the leguminati.
At this point, I’m positive I’ve read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates.
*crosses off bucket list*
You Might Also Like
When someone compliments you, etiquette dictates that you respond with “That is accurate.”
HER: i’m leaving u
ME: is it bc u hate ventriloquism
BUNNY: [quietly] don’t let her see u cry
I’m not a shout it from the rooftops kind of person, but I’ll write it on a post-it and leave it lying around for people to see.
“Doctor, I’m afraid of people yelling letters of the alphabet at me.”
THERAPIST: Oh! You are? WHY???
You look like a snack:
-not specific enough
-not enough affectionate noises
You look like a moose:
-a very cute moose
-make all the boy moose go HWAAAAH
You: (about to show me a video on your phone)
Me: oh haha ya i’ve seen this already but def don’t ask me any questions about it
M: Your cover gets blown on every mission, James. Perhaps you should use better aliases.
James Bond: I should use better what now?
Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.
I lost my camouflage wallet, so if you happen to see it, then it’s shitty camouflage and I don’t want it back