@SwedishCanary

At this point my only chance at getting thinner is going to a paint store.

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@OhNoSheTwitnt

Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.

@curlycomedy

You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.

@Lisabug74

Maybe the Earth really is flat and we’re just on one of God’s refrigerator magnets.

@averyhartmans

It has been literally hours and I’m still laughing out loud every time I think about this

@iamspacegirl

Studies show that you were, like, way too good for him.

‘Totally too good for him’ says one super supportive scientist.

@SteveSuckington

[high school reunion]

“Hey aren’t u the kid who used to lie and throw people under the bus all the time?”

No that was Tyler.