I was lying next to 4 and he looked into my eyes and stroked some hair off my face and my heart melted but then he stroked a bit harder and said “mummy I can’t rub the lines out your face”
Husband: A couple is fighting on the cereal aisle
Me: It’s not us this time
*we fist bump*
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Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed…while married women come home see what’s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Russel Crowe is my favorite actor named after a misspelled bird but Ethan Hawke is a close second
Taking spiders outside to “help” them, buddy this is their house you weren’t born here
You’d give your life for me? Your life sucks what else you got?
Pizza: *screaming* BUT DOES ANYONE CARE WHAT I’D LIKE TO HAVE ON TOP OF ME!?
Damnnnnn gurl… I wanna to take you back to my place, get you alone and just do work on your grammar.
Todd on Facebook hates being sick.
Really Todd? Most people love it.
Enhanced interrogation idea:
If waterboarding isn’t working, try having my mother brush their hair.