Me: *has debilitating crush on a nerd*
Nerd: What you feel is a burst of norepinephrine increasing arousal and focus-
At what age do you tell your kids that the UN isn’t real
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My parents were very inspirational, they used to say:
“You can do whatever you want in life, as long as you don’t do it here.”
I’ve never seen a chameleon. Good job, chameleons.
I’m famous people used to have talent years old.
Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin’ to Do.
if swimming is really exercise then why dont fish have mega muscles. yeah i thought so. drain the pool so we can skateboard in it
Don’t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
I’ll stab someone if they hurt my kids. Or touch my nachos.
Damn girl, are you my Boy Scout troop leader? Cause you’re making me pitch a tent.
CEO: where do you see yourself in 5 years
me: hopefully in your chair
[5 years later]
me: *in the CEO’s chair*
CEO: *calling security* there’s a homeless man in my chair