I have a cut on my leg Doc
“Yeah that legs gotta go sir”
But its a tiny cut
“Sorry, I cant save it” *sharks fake doctor outfit falls off*
Kids, here we have reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded. This means they rely on external heat and often answer texts with just a K.
You Might Also Like
Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It’s pretty solid.
If Spider-man’s powers came from a radioactive spider, the spider could have bitten and altered any other animal and I don’t want to live in a world with spider-wolves. I just don’t.
HER: you know what your problem is?
ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i’m about to find out
Hey people who don’t understand sarcasm, what’s it like being so awesome?
VICTIM: He had a beard & a scar
SKETCH ARTIST: Is this him?
VICTIM: That’s Bart Simpson
SKETCH ARTIST: Yeah I can only draw a couple things
Jacob Marley: Tonight you’ll be visited by 2 ghosts.
Scrooge: I thought it was 3.
Jacob Marley: Lol no it’s 2017 there is no future.
Establish dominance on Halloween by eating your neighbor’s jack-o-lanterns.
*crashes your wedding
Why aren’t you answering my DM?!
Them: I’m so sorry!
Me: *checking that their concrete boots have set* It’s all water under the bridge.