@DJRotaryRachel

Ate at some place called Spaghetteria and let’s just say it gave me diaghetti.

You Might Also Like

@GlennWool

when the news anchor says “if you know anything about the crime please contact police”
dont call the police and re-tell the news story

@tsm560

She’s one of a kind. Like an instagram sunset

@Rollmaninoz

Your password must contain a character still living in Game of Thrones

******
Password expired
******
Password expired
******
Password ex…

@SarahKanowski

I’ve finally convinced my parents to let me get their fruit & vege & my dad has now sent me this floor plan of the shop. Clearly I’m 44 & a total moron 🙂

@SocialExtortion

Hey, not too bad
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I love you too
Ok, bye

-phone convos with mom

@3sunzzz

Me: All I want is for a man to bring me a rose-

Friend: Well, that’s not asking much.

Me: colored diamond.

@johnmoe

The problem is you never know which Gary is going to show up.

@daemonic3

A Black Mirror episode where you wake up and all TV & movie actors are Tom Hanks. In fact, everyone you know is now played by Tom Hanks. You go crazy and live out your life in an insane asylum. At your funeral, your rising soul looks down at your casket, where Tom Hanks lies dead

@DoogieHorner

Dogs are “practice babies” and cats are “practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with.”

@duplicitron

Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.