so after the Coronavirus blows over, will y’all continue to practice good hygiene and sanitation? … or will y’all go back to not washing your legs when you shower?
Ate my wife’s chocolates & said they were coffee flavored because she doesn’t like those but guess what guys they weren’t coffee flavored.
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Do you sell bloodpants?
“Right this way…”
My friend just brought me a coffee and I started crying bc it was such a sweet and small but genuine act of kindness and she was like “I’m your waitress, you literally just ordered this” and that is just classic her I love her so much
Nothing says “I’m unemployed” like wishing for snow on Facebook.
“If you started at 16 and work until you’re 23.
That would give you 10 years of experience.”
Back to school for you My friend!
Elon Musk: Inhabiting Mars is the only hope we have of saving the human race
You’re only as old as the sounds you make when you get out of the car
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
Me: *walking out of dressing room* Ok be honest…
Boyfriend: I’m gay.
When a guy flirts with me I start blushing uncontrollably and I hide. Then I wait for them outside their house wearing a wedding dress.