What do you mean will I eat a whole rotisserie chicken? What do I look like, a guy who doesn’t eat whole rotisserie chickens?
*attaches note to pigeon
*stuffs pigeon into envelope
You Might Also Like
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
a little too long, but basically a perfect tweet
No one who heard me talking to my dog would assume that English is my first language.
I was homeschooled so my back to school pics were of me standing in front of the house before I went back inside.
Hubs sent me this text:
There’s no wrong way to tell the person you love that their beautiful.
couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom
There’s a cat curled up on my pillow, and I’d probably be a lot more cool with that if I actually owned a cat.
My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So i married her off to a random stranger to strengthen the alliance with France.
me: truth or dare
me: are birds real