“Wow, cell phones are getting ridiculously big.”
“That’s a smart car.”
Attention: All employees will be required to bring their own toilet paper until further notice.
You Might Also Like
crossbreed every type of dog until all you’re left with is an everything beagle
When my daughter was 2 she pointed at a squirrel and shouted “Look, a scurry-el!” so if you’re still using the old name you need to get with it.
I want to run my fingers through your spaghetti.
Hair. I mean hair. Sorry, I’m starving.
HR: Know why we called you down?
Me: Hmm…a raise?
HR: You know we monitor internet usage right?
Me: I’d like to report a hacking!
her: hurt me
me: there’s only one season of firefly
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
(The unfollow button is only a click away)
I’m not saying I don’t like you, but if you had an open wound I’d hand you a salt shaker.
There’s a lady at work named Lillian Llewellyn who carries a briefcase and I like to imagine it falling open and spilling a bunch of L’s
i left 11 and 8 at home to run down the street to get tacos. when i came back 8 was out in the yard (3 acres) clipping the grass with tiny scissors. exactly what a drunk person would do.