@Bob_Janke: Attention Wiccans don't forget to feed your snakes before you go stand around in a graveyard all night tonight
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@Reverend_Scott: [firing squad] Any last requests? "Here's my mixtape, if u like it, will u let me live?" Yes. *listens* Oh man that's FIRE *gunshots*
@Ygrene: [in bed] me: was that thunder? wife: i didn’t hear anything dog: [checking Dog Handbook] “in case of thunder, or any sound resembling thunder, stand directly on the nearest human head”
@CornOnTheGoblin: [fake yawns to put my arm around date but it's so i can pet her dog who is also on the couch]
@Beesthegame: "Can someone call me a doctor?!" You're a doctor. "Please I'm losing my patience!" You're a terrible doctor.