6: I say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” to my teacher
Me: You sure didn’t learn those great manners from me. Where’d you learn that?
Author: So, I’ve got this children’s book. It’s about a hungry caterpillar.
Author: A VERY hungry caterpillar.
Agent: Go on…
You Might Also Like
Pet Store Manager: What qualifies you to work here?
Applicant: I’m kind of sweet yet sad & a bit creepy for some reason
PSM: You’re hired!
CONTRACTOR: *shows up to my house with a paintball gun*
ME: You’re gonna paint my den with that?!
CONTRACTOR: *chewing cigar* You want it done right or done fast?
ME: *Considers* … come in.
Me: BOOP! teehee!
Me: sorry. did you want me to touch MY nose?
When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, “Well, that’s a sin, but at least it’s original.”
*glow-in-the-dark vampire approaches*
ME: *trembling* Phospheratu?
The keys Home-Insert-End-Delete are together on the keyboard. Whoever created the keyboard was a big fan of one night stands.
Her: How do you like your eggs?
Me: Wrapped in foil by Cadbury.
Them: But, if you’re both dudes, who’s “the lady” in your relationship?
Me: Janet Jackson. Always.