@AsgardianRose: Autocorrect changed "panic attack" to "pancake attack" and now I'm hysterical AND hungry.
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@geekysteven: Science fact: If you took a human intestinal tract and stretched it from the Earth to the Moon, you would definitely get fired from NASA.
@rebrafsim: [at a dinner party] Me: hey can I get a picture of the table? Everyone: *leans in, faces me, smiles* Me: you’re all blocking the table
@ShellHasDragons: If anyone wants to know why parents dont sleep, it's the foot in your nose at 00:39