Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.
Awkward=when autocorrect changes ‘sooner’ to ‘sober’ so email to 8 yr. old’s teacher reads “I apologize for not getting back to you sober”
You Might Also Like
My 10 yr old daughter was saying how stressful life is but she did add “well, at least I’ve managed to go 10 years without drinking”
Not all clowns are creepy. Many are just honest, hard-working operatives of Satan.
*training the dog to sit*
Me: So you’re already low to the ground, but you must get lower.
“You took out 5600 turtles in Mario”
[me looking at god] is that good or bad?
Apple managed to launch IPhone 8 and make it outdated all in a span of 25 minutes #AppleEvent
People are asking if capes are welcome at #ScienceMarch – yes – but please think of the aerodynamics if it happens to be windy!
It may look like I’m a sloppy eater but really I’m just teaching my dog about trickle-down economics…
[coronavirus pandemic diary]
Day 3: I’ve not had sex in 6 months