Baby Geese are called Goslings and baby Vampires are called Gothlings.
You Might Also Like
my teen would like you to know I have allowed storms to disrupt our wifi when she had things to do
Tomb = Toom
Womb = Woom
Bomb = Boom
Them: are you sad because you eat or do you eat because you’re sad?
Me: *takes long, slow drag of egg roll* look kid…
I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.
A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop
I think it would be great if ice cream licked you back.
grateful there’s a whole airline for virgins . i do NOT want them on my flight
Doctor: so your blood type is-
Vampire: ALL of them
“What if we put wheels on this toilet?”
*inventor of the RV
God: I made something new. It’s like a tornado, but smaller.
Angel: What do you call it?
God: A toddler.
My wife asked me what new hairstyle she should get, so I held my breath until I passed out.
I ripped my duvet and now there are feathers everywhere. This is the adult equivalent of glitter
Dear parents who line up 45 minutes early in the school pick-up line,
I don’t understand.
Angry Birds for Olympics: Instead of hitting two birds with one stone, here you can hit two stones with one bird.
My friend is so frugal if he starts dreaming good he wakes up so as to not spend it all at one time.
I’ve been anticipating all his needs and trying to be more on time with all of his demands. I really hope my cat picks me for employee of the month this time.
Only a mother’s love …
Too bad they cancelled the Chicago Marathon I was going to run it this year
i just ordered an RGB bulb for when i play music too loud and my mom says this is a house not a nightclub I’ll say i beg to differ
I wear a mask because I like to leave something to the imagination.
Public transportation is great but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle
People who say the Napster guy invented music piracy forget the time I stole my sister’s Violent Femmes CD when I was 13.
whenever someone in a movie yells “the portal’s closing!!!!!” i’m like ok but you’ve never seen it before so how do u even know
You’re not supposed to be your pet’s friend, your job is to make sure they get into a good pet college.
You give me that many goddamn birds for one f****** holiday and I’m grilling the shit out of them. Lemon pepper turtle doves, anyone?
Someone punctured my boss’s tires and I’m definitely gonna tell him about it, but first let me put the nail gun back in the backpack.
New exercise regimen: I can only sit down when my toddler does. So far I’ve lost 17,000 pounds.
Assert dominance at IKEA by walking around wearing a tool belt with every size Allen wrench hanging from it and telling everyone you see to stand back
The walk of shame:
When you toss a paper ball in trash, miss, then have to go get it.
doctor: i’m afraid you’re dying of asbestos poisoning.
me: 🙁
doctor: but we’ll treat you asbestos we can.
me: 😂