@_Rewhan
Hey Fun Fact:
Remember that “You Wouldn’t Steal A Car” anti-piracy ad? The guy who wrote the music for that ad was never paid for their work
This Fun Fact™ brought to you by:
Stealing — It’s Okay If You’re A Corporation!
@TheMomAtLaw
Baby is born.
Me: Wow. Everyone thinks he looks exactly like my husband. I don’t think he got anything from me.
3 years later: child sighs heavily, slams doors, and rolls eyes so far back he can see his spine.
Me: Theeeere it is.
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@_Rewhan
@fro_vo
Reporter: *ports again*
@JeremyPoxon
[cool youth pastor voice] let me tell you the story of another special boy who miraculously left a cave
@TheBoydP
To take full advantage of the never answer calls from an unknown number rule, you should also never assign names to numbers in your phone.
@TGOSPodcast
You gotta love the Internet, sometimes.
@iAmGolfy
Instead of “Who’s your daddy?” I accidentally said “How’s your daddy?” and we put our clothes back on and discussed her father’s cholesterol
@Doyle_McLain
BREAKING NEWS ON FACEBOOK!
Pam wants everyone to know what a great husband Don has been these last 8 years & for making her so very happy!
@TheAndrewNadeau
SON: I need you to check under the bed for monsters.
ME: Listen, I appreciate your confidence in me, but if there’s a monster under there it’s going to kill us both.
@senderblock23
I wish Fox News was just news about foxes.
@erikbryn
Overheard:
The one thing we’ve learned from this crisis is that if the Martians invaded earth, our first response would be to lower interest rates.