Of course I’m not leaving. I’m just going to step outside for a minute. (Runs to car)
Baby: *sleeps longer than expected*
Me: *checks if baby is alive*
Kid: *makes loud thud from other room*
Me: *checks if kid is alive*
Teen: *hasn’t sighed in an hour*
Me: *checks if teen is alive*
You Might Also Like
“My phone is blowing up!”
*2 unread messages*
Many people are shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.
Just realized Franz Kafka was a lawyer so he was Kafka, esq.
I would fake a heart attack but this coworker would just try to finish his story in the ambulance ride to the hospital.
I am pleased to report that the spider I felt on my neck that caused me to nearly drop the baby was, in fact, my shirt tag.
Frankly auto correct, I’m getting really tired of your shirt.
Nurse: Hi I’m Sandi I’ll be drawing your blood today.
Me: [not seeing a single red crayon] How?
Me: I need to know where you are at all times. If you go somewhere new, text me. Understand?
Taco truck driver: Okay.