FYI – so it IS illegal to put a skylight on the 5th floor of an 8th floor apartment building
Back in my day, ketchup only came in glass bottles. I’m grateful for the life lessons it taught me; most problems can easily be solved with patience or a knife.
You Might Also Like
Michelle Obama & Melania Trump meeting:
Michelle: Hi, I’m Michelle.
Melania: Hi, I’m Michelle.
Grandma confused about Tide Pods “kids these days eating those podcasts”….
[first day as an undercover police officer]
me: so uhh does anyone want to do some crime tonight? haha i love crime
911: What’s your emergency?
THE BARISTO IS HAVING A STROKE
IT’S A GUY. BARISTO
911: No, it’s still-
Nm he’s dead now
If women had to be assembled, a lot of us would probably just play with the box…
me: genocide is bad
guy: i totally agree, but just to play devil’s advocate, what if it’s actually good?
me: it’s not
guy: *pulling out pre-prepared notes* no i totally hear you, but actually it is
me: a-are those laminated
I named my son Kidding Me so whenever people say “Are you kidding me” he has to say yes. This is a bad joke thanks for your time
Pennywise got his name because he’s very savvy financially.
He lives in the sewer to avoid paying rent, and he eats kids instead of buying groceries.