I hate it when celebrities ask me to donate to some fund, you make 30 millions a movie & I make $30 a day. You send money.
Baller is short for ballerina
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Real Road Signs
(What they mean)
(Unattended orange cone zone)
I just found an unopened box of Girl Scout cookies underneath my futon in my mom’s basement so yeah-I found love in a hopeless place.
Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.
[sitting in dentist’s chair]
Dentist: get out of my living room
i respect snow plows bc their whole job is to take a giant mess and push it to the side for someone else to deal w later
2010: Didn’t jog
2011: Didn’t jog
2012: Didn’t jog
2013: Didn’t jog
2014: Haven’t jogged
~ This is a running joke
If you take longer than 10 seconds at the hand dryer, I will wipe my hands on the back of your shirt.
i make my smoothies with a handful of kale, parsley, cabbage, broccoli, lemon zest and ice and blend it all in the garbage disposal.