“What’s your secret?!”
I eat fireworks

You Might Also Like


Keep your friends close and your friends that give away large sums of cash as a gift even closer.


Did Batman know that Alfred was embezzling billions to finance a 4-person Magic act that was a front for robbing banks?


Chances of my kid no longer liking their ‘favourite’ snack the day after I bought the Costco size box of it? 210%


Netflix should have a catergory called “easy to follow while looking at my phone the whole time”


Cleanliness is next to godliness in a dictionary missing some stuff


Me: I need to sleep

Ambien: do worms have buttholes? You should text your boss


*do a little dance*

*make a little love*

*get kicked out of this funeral*


Me: I don’t care how cute you are, I will tear you to shreds if you don’t start cooperating.

Wrapping paper: *rips*