@AdderallMomma

“BANGING BODY”
Thanks
“What’s your secret?!”
I eat fireworks
“…”
BOOM

You Might Also Like

@LostFelicia

Keep your friends close and your friends that give away large sums of cash as a gift even closer.

@10InchesPlus

Did Batman know that Alfred was embezzling billions to finance a 4-person Magic act that was a front for robbing banks?

@tamberinetango

Chances of my kid no longer liking their ‘favourite’ snack the day after I bought the Costco size box of it? 210%

@ayosworIdd

Netflix should have a catergory called “easy to follow while looking at my phone the whole time”

@meganamram

Cleanliness is next to godliness in a dictionary missing some stuff

@SteveSuckington

Me: I need to sleep

Ambien: do worms have buttholes? You should text your boss

@Tmoney68

*do a little dance*

*make a little love*

*get kicked out of this funeral*

@Ideal_Victoria

Me: I don’t care how cute you are, I will tear you to shreds if you don’t start cooperating.

Wrapping paper: *rips*