No YOU’RE not worded correctly.
BANK ROBBER: There’ll be no trouble as long as everyone is cool
ME *remembering I’m me* oh no
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[On a date]
Him: I’m really into cars.
Me: [Trying to impress] oh yeah me too
Him: Oh nice! What’s your favorite kind?
Me: [Panicking] red
*breathes on window creating condensation
*starts to write in condensation
*head slams into window and breaks it
My mom took a picture of me in 1983 using a camera with a flashcube and the light in my eyes just stopped flashing.
Telling my daughter garlic is good for you. Good immune system and keeps pests away.Ticks, mosquitos, vampires… men.
No one goes to target because they need something. You go to target and let target tell you what you need.
“El Chapo” is a Mexican drug lord ….
and not the guy who’s been stealing
our Chapsticks for years ?
I could probably survive about a week in the wilderness eating only the food I spill on my shirt any given day.
We woke up to a noise.
I grabbed a bat.
He grabs a can of body spray.
“Really? Gunna make this burglar irresistible to women huh?”
My cat didn’t get me a Father’s Day card and things are a little tense around here right now.