Broke a light bulb today.
Seven years of bad ideas?
Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we’re camping. With an angry bear close by.
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When I was in 6th grade, I asked a girl out with a note and she wrote back “Maybe :)” so idk man I might have plans tonight.
Im not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Shy girl has a crush on shy boy.Shy boy has a crush on shy girl.Neither of them say anything.They both do a lot of homework.#VeryRealisticYA
My wife said that my 5 year old gets really hyper because of the sugar he has at breakfast so I think I’ll stop putting it in his coffee.
At what point should you worry about your drinking?
I bet it’s before your kid builds a Lego brewery.
Does the Defense have any last words?
*defense rises* DE-FENSE
*Judge holds up picket fence*
*Jury starts The Wave*
BY THIRTY FIVE YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED HALF OF YOUR RETIREMENT WHICH IS EASY IF YOUR RETIREMENT PLAN IS TO WADE INTO THE SEA
I’m pretty sure they weren’t talking about stupid when they told you, “If you got it flaunt it.”
Sperm Can’t Remember Why It Came Into Womb