i want all the extra fat on my body to fall off and turn into $65,000 cash
Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we’re camping. With an angry bear close by.
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Cigarettes only give you cancer if you let them. It’s called science. Maybe you’d know more about it if you read as many Yahoo Answers as me
[80% of bar rescue eps]
TAFFER: this employee stole $150,000 dollars from you, burned your car, and killed your dog. he says he would happily do it again. what are you gonna do?
TAFFER: you’re going to fire him
OWNER: I’m going to fire him
So a coffee break is when you stop drinking coffee for a minute, right?
He was a real gentlemen and always opened the fridge door for me
Just saved $60,000 by telling my kid she already graduated from Parallel University.
When people are kissing in public, it’s weird how angry they get when you try and join in.
I started this account 7 years ago today. I just want to thank all of you for reading my stuff and never showing up to my house.
I met my wife while on holiday. Which was awkward, as I’d told her I was going to a funeral.
I don’t get movies where people switch bodies and they’re like “Ahh I gotta get my old body back” if I could ditch this decrepit nightmare I’d be like lol bye