@theregoesrichie

[barbarians at the gate]

Me: I just need to let this song finish…

You Might Also Like

@jordan_stratton

Remember–the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality.

@badbanana

If you’re about to be turned into stone by Medusa, strike a hilarious pose and at least lighten things up for the next guy.

@RuinMyWeek

It took me 20 minutes and a terribly bruised wrist to realize that this slap bracelet is actually a ruler.

@215potter

If the human race has a “signature move,” its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.

@danjan13

Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat

@KentWGraham

Do people who get meal kits shipped to their home know they can have restaurants deliver food that’s already cooked?

@ibid78

[commercial]
“I’m tired of fruits that taste good.”
Narrator: GRAPEFRUIT

@JessObsess

I took one of those DNA tests and found out I am 30% mashed potatoes.

@sumpeoplelikeit

If you have a tattoo on your head, you’ve lost the right to ask me what I’m looking at.