You know what I’m hoping is in my Easter basket this year?
(Just kidding. Moms don’t get baskets.)
“Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I’d like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham.”
You Might Also Like
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer
i replaced babies in these pictures with hotdogs to show america what really matters
The only indoor security camera that I have is inside my fridge, I want to capture the face of whoever steals my cheesecake.
If you love someone, set them free. If they return… something, something, Justin Bieber’s a lesbian.
Me and my lover, sitting in a tree A-R-G-U-I-N-G
[forgetting the phrase “your honor”] not guilty, hammer daddy
Why are we wasting time on all these “beware of dog” signs?
I’ve never met a cat that wasn’t obviously plotting to kill somebody…
Trump: “I’m going to make sure we let in less immigrants.”
Trump: “Shhh, don’t call me that yet.”
Seven years ago THIS was all we had to worry about.