I know a bunch of guys who are like Christian Grey but without the money and the handsomeness. They’re in jail.
Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes
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i have quarantined a small hotdog within the confines of a small crescent roll which i have quarantined in my belly
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Just built a kite that’ll hold my cat. Figured if a mouse helped discover electricity then my cat & I should be able to unlock time travel.
Frenchmen, still hiding inside The Statue of Liberty: soon.
I don’t think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name “Lamb of God” is misleading.
I’m only married if you’re ugly.
Got asked to be godfather of my niece, so if anything happens to her parents then someone else has to take care of her because I said no
*Dating a Jealous dude*
Him: Baby, where are you?
Her: I’m in the church
Him: Give Jesus the phone
A guest dropped by my dirty house on short notice today, so I put cleaning supplies out all over the place. They were just for show.