@MrJeberling: Batman cuts off a seemingly innocuous driver in the Batmobile, only to deal with the driver later, with the help of Superman #ChangingBanes
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@LuvPug: "So kids, I was married to your mom & I met this girl on Twitter, we started DMing and one thing led to another" -How I Met Your Stepmother
@gorrdano: I help morning mall walkers get their blood flowing by chasing them down with a chainsaw.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Parenthood is where you spend 18 years saying no all because of that one critical time you said yes.
@JonnyGoodTimes: My girlfriend HATES it when I sneak up on her. According to her lawyer she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend ( ._.)