@drinksmcgee

Be the first thought on her mind when she wakes up & the last before she sleeps… unless she’s plotting your murder… then don’t be that.

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@Eightinchgoat

My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn’t 20 … And in college.

@NourHadidi

The only ones awake 3am are the lonely & the loved.

And also the sick who have to take antibiotics & pain killers.

@AmishPornStar1

*maintains eye contact while slowly putting in ear buds as you’re talking to me*

@gengen874

Quietly she fades away, drifting closer to nothingness.

Nothingness whispers, “I already have a girlfriend.”

@DeadLioness

There is “Tea” in Team and I am not sure what I am trying to say here but it’s very inspirational.

@Poutymcgee

The cat licks itself and it’s cute. I do it and I’m “no longer allowed in the library”.

@AimeeHelene1

*rolls grocery cart into open house*

Ooh what a lovely lamp!
*puts it in cart*

An iPad!
*crosses iPad off shopping list*
*puts it in cart*

@FABrezebabe

*does coke*
*has unprotected sex*
*smokes cigarettes*
“oh haha no I don’t drink soda because it’s bad for you”

@Bob_Janke

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face and he says it’s so when I’m eating prairie grasses I can see predators