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@SummerCandyEyes: Be yourself.
Except you, cauliflower, you have to pretend to be other food.
@sammyrhodes: Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
@KarenKilgariff: A dog barks in the distance. I look over at my own dogs.
“See how annoying that is?”
@unravelingfire: Me: *walking out of dressing room* Ok be honest...
Boyfriend: I’m gay.
@therealeatwood: ME: [spraying hose to make a rainbow over a bear trap]
WIFE: stop trying to trap a leprechaun
ME: I really want a pot of gold or some cereal
@sophxthompson: A little boy just screamed down the tube carriage “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” and everyone remained silent. I love London