I used to think sex in those apocalyptic movies was so dumb cuz who would want sex when everything’s going to shit? I do, I want sex.. I changed my mind.
BEAR IN A TRENCHCOAT: yes i’m here for the fish tube job
You Might Also Like
Even though she’s not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.
Whenever I babysit I wear a wig. When the parents leave I cut off 90% of my hair. I tell the kids if they don’t behave, they’re next.
So excited! I’m taking an online grammar class. No more typos for me.
Nolege is power biches!
The Willy Wonka grandparents were connected under the covers, like a rat king.
“10 Things I Hate About You” is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article
He said: “Tell me Baby…am I your first?”
She said: “What? Like…today?”
I never knew my mechanic was a psychic until he loudly announced that I had blown a tranny in my car.
My family arranging my open casket funeral:
Here’s a picture of how we all remember her. Can you make her look like this?
Mortician: This is a printout of the eye roll emoji.
*takes a picture of food for Instagram*
Food: delete it