[Beatles recording session]
Ringo: ?I’d like to be
John: Nice beat
R: ?Under the sea
Paul: Oh exotic
R: ?In an octopus’s garden
George: WTF?

You Might Also Like


[Spelling bee, to clench victory]

“O,P… (hesitates) A,W,E,S,O,M,E.”


(Opossum judges whispering for a bit)



What do you mean you were really drunk? I already changed my Facebook relationship status for you.


You have an IOS update.

Remind me later?
Install tonight?
Why not now?
Do you have commitment issues?
This might be why you’re alone.


I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives.


M: I have what they call animal magnetism.

H: *sidles up to me*
*winks* Oh yeah?

M: Uh-huh. *points to squirrel affixed to stray cat*


the year is 2042. a man is fired for doing “the robot” in a mixed crowd of humans and androids at the company xmas party.


Good News: Got rid of the skunk smell on the cat using hydrogen peroxide, dishsoap & baking soda
Bad News: the cat now looks like Billy Idol


This house is Not going to clean itself. Apparently, I’m not either.


You didn’t come here to be insulted? Why? Where do you usually go?


Went to buy face moisturizer and the young girl at counter said, “Lets find something for mature skin.”

And then Security had to escort me.