My right eye wouldn’t stop weeping all day until I said BE A MAN YOU FREAK and now it’s just drinking beer to hide it’s feelings
Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that.
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(Sigh) I must be getting older. I just read a whole book about a giant sperm whale called Moby Dick and I didn’t giggle once…
Note to self: Never choose a company name that ends in a verb.
Wish I had the unbridled enthusiasm of a freshly groomed dog heading straight for a mud puddle.
My husband surprised me by taking the day off. I guess today is the day he finds out we’ve actually had a cleaning company for the last 5 years.
Hi everyone, welcome to Motorboat Club. Let’s get started on some sailing basics.
*Man in back row throws brochure on ground and storms out*
Me: [text] I’m down at the end of the bar, wearing a suit
Me: *wearing hazmat suit, waves with gloved hand*
Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease.
“Is it bad, doc?”
Yes, but bear in mind-
I talk a lot of shit for a girl who can’t function when the sock seam is twisted.