The first rule of elevator club is don’t talk to other members of elevator club.
Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that.
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Waiting for everyone in this church service to bow their head in prayer so I can update my fantasy football roster.
witch 1: i can’t find my broom
witch 2: that’s fine i can drive a stick
Yesterday 9 asked what’s the meaning of life and 6 punched him, but that was yesterday when I was on acid. Numbers don’t usually talk to me.
I have never “cat called” a woman. I go home, paint her from memory & then yell at the painting. It’s called respect.
Everyone knows someone in real life that actually resembles a garden gnome.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Do you want to know how to keep a dummy intrigued?
I’ll tweet it tomorrow.
If we are in fact living in a computer simulation, I wish the 11 year old running my account would send me to the gym more often
My cat yells at me like she’s my mother.