@iGreenMonk: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unless that beholder is your mom cause we all know that doesn't count.
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@Browtweaten: Son: Why are we doing this? Mom: Because it's a traditional teenage event you kids still deserve to have Daughter: Well I'm mortified Dad: *From the turntables* Whassup Mortified, I'm DJ Dad and welcome to HOME SCHOOL PROM!
@tastefactory: *picks up bug, puts it outside* There ya go. *later, bug smashes thru door carrying gun* You should have killed me when you had the chance
@RonnieLauth: Overheard at a museum cafe: “What kind of coffee do you have?” “Uh. Just the kind they give us to brew.” “Well is it Kenyan? Ethiopian?” “Sir. It’s just coffee. Either buy it or don’t.” I love New Yorkers.
@LoveNLunchmeat: him: [has seen Jaws, is smart, knows what to do when he hears the Jaws theme music] me: [has never seen Jaws, is dead now]