*i drop my pen at work*
Guy who backpacked around Europe: that reminds me of this little village in the north of Romania
Me: What’s in vegetable oil?
M: And olive oil?
M: And baby oil?
*I turn out the lights and leave
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My spirit animal is a tapeworm.
kid: 5 more minutes
dad goat: no it’s pasture bedtime
I mean, I’m smart, but I’m no Alfred Einstein.
Young man cashier: Ma’am, if you don’t mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes.
What I heard: Ma’am
Behind every HD picture of a girl, there is a
friendzoned DSLR photographer boy 😛
Captain: relax, it’s just a title
Second Mate: WHAT DOES HE MEAN TO YOU
Me: Hello, is it me you’re looking for?
Me: *dials another number* Hello, is it me you’re looking for?
All these people casually jogging down the street, and then me, looking like I’m trying to pull an invisible dog sled.
me: what’s the best way to get healthy?
doctor: diet and exercise
me: what’s the next best?