teacher: “there are no stupid questions”
me: “ya ok but why isnt the plural of moose, meese”
Bee Gees Songs:
Saturday Night Fever
Sunday Night Scurvy
Monday Night Measles
Tuesday Night Typhoid
Wednesday Night Whooping Cough
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Guys…. Women aren’t hard….. And if they are… They aren’t Women.
Christmas time is my Mom asking me what size shirt I wear and then telling me I’m wrong.
I think this lady I’m stalking just found out. She changed her wifi name to:
“Hey you in the tree. I’ve called the cops.”
When customer service said the wait time was approximately 278 minutes, I wasn’t sure if they were trying to get me to hang up or they were going into RENT the Musical.
I always skip leg day at the gym. I keep my body proportionate by skipping every other day at the gym as well.
To be honest you were our third choice for this poisoner job but the other two got poiso… oh that was you, nice
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
5: can i play the wii?
me: does mommy usually let u guys this early in the morning?
5: but she’s still sleeping!!
me: i don’t want to die today.
SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE WEATHER REPORTERS RISKING LIFE & LIMB SO WE CAN ALL KNOW WHAT A 130MPH HURRICANE LOOKS LIKE IN THE DARK!